Update On Weight Loss

Since I haven't spoke in a good time, I decided to do a quick update on where I am on my weight loss. My highest starting weight was 156 lbs. It has taken approximately 3 weeks for me to get from 156 to my current weight of 146. So far I have lost approx 10 lbs and have 13 lbs to go till I meet my first weight goal of 133 lbs. I have decided that for my accomplishment of my weight lost I will have my belly button pierced either near or when I reach my first or second weight goal. The first week of trying to get back on track is really hard. You have to resist those temptations of junk food and cramming things into your mouth. I combated this by chewing gum. Stride gum to be exact and I couldn't believe how well it helped along with telling myself that I didn't need to be eating so late. Anxious to see what I will look like once this is all done. Might even wear a bikini........might.

A Liitle Too Comfortable In That Comfort Zone!

Coming across a new acquaintance, I was in a battle with my comfort zone and my conscious telling me to be more ambitious. This acquaintance happens to be the opposite sex and I wanted to get to know him more, but the warm loving arms of my comfort zone kept pulling me back. So I started thinking to myself that maybe this is why my life is so boring and why I don't have many actively social friends that find something to do almost every weekend. When it comes to the opposite sex, I have criteria just like any women does. These criteria are not ones that have been decided through experience but through situations that I have seen elsewhere.

I started searching the internet for advice on how to break out of your comfort zone. One site stated that you should face your fears. I'm thinking, "hmmm...I don't have fears." But I continued to think and realized that I do have a fear. A fear that holds me back socially. When it comes to men, I decide on criteria that will keep me safe from the things that go wrong in a relationship. Ones that make me look like a fool. So my fear is being advantage of and ending up heartbroken. When it comes to meeting knew people, my fear is that people will think I'm an r-tard (retard) or something else.

But there is something I wish I had. I wish I had the gift of gab, in moderation at least. If someone starts talking to me about one thing, I briefly have a conversation with them and then go quite. I can't seem to get myself to show more interest about someone without interrogating them, question after question and I don't want to seem nosy. Especially if I can't relate to their response but still want to get to know them. I guess it's something that will come in time. But I will be trying harder to do things out of my comfort zone.

Me?...Kids?...Heck Naw!

At this point in my life, I have decided that I do not want kids. Just watching how others peoples kids act while I am at work annoys the heck out of me. Customers will be shopping around and letting there kids touch on everything. It urks me that they will let there kid(s) go around and close watch boxes. One hispanic lady apologized for her daughter closing the boxes on our watches and her excuse for it was that her daughter was playing. WTF! Your daughter should not be playing with any of the merchandise unless it is actually a toy. This is not Toys R' US. That is the main reason why I don't want kids. I am not ready to constantly defend my stuff from grubby little hands and I can't tolerate repeatedly saying no don't do this, no don't do that.  I prefer to have a dog over a kid. They may bark but they shut up after awhile and they don't ask "why" questions and be smart headed.

Resisting Thy Temptation

Right now it is eight thirty something in the evening, and I am debating on whether I should give-in and get two chicken burritos from Chipotle and wait to eat them tomorrow or just not buy them at all. I have decided that it is best to not buy at all and continue to eat less calorie foods and not binge. It has probably been a month since the last time I had Chipotle so that's probably why I am wanting it and probably because it is that time of the month. :(

So what I am trying to do is find ways not to second think my decision on not getting those delicious burritos before the restaurant closes. Which brings me here writing a post about my uuuh....thoughts and desperation. I shall continue to resist because if I do I know it will pay off. Numerous times I have started off on the right track only to sabotage my progress with that one little temptation ending me right back at step one.

They say to drink water and find something to occupy your mind and hands. That doesn't work well with me. If I try drinking water, I either desperately need to eat something or I don't wait long enough for my brain to register that I am full and just need water. If I am trying to take my mind off of thinking what to shove in my mouth next I try to find something to do. But once I do find something and complete it, I still I have time to think about eating. If I really want to achieve this goal, I need to put a lot more effort into it.

Can My Life Be Any Busier?

Seriously, my life is so boring. I am thinking that is why I am having a hard time being successful on my second shot of losing weight. I start off the day on the right foot and then mess it up by end of the night because I'm bored and need something to occupy my time or I have an anchoring to eat something in particular. I'm just happy I haven't gained too much weight back. Plus being home day in and day out and to only leave to go to school or work is annoying and depressing. A few days ago I went window shopping at the mall because I was so bored and because my interest was working well. It was fun but I wish I could do more things and hangout with lively people more often. I feel the longer I go without making new friends, the ones I do have will be too busy to do much. *Sigh* if only I knew how to get out and create the fun part of my life. On a good note, from the weight I have already lost I am still getting compliments on how smaller I look.

One Step At A Time

After I had my first gallbladder attack weight loss seemed easier than it does now. But what I can remember is that I took one step at a time. They day after my attack I was scared to eat many things. Since gallstones are balls of cholesterol from fatty foods, I tried cutting down on my fat intake. When I did this I was not thinking about my weight. I ended up losing 3lbs before starting my weight loss journey. Approximately 8 months went by before I had the surgery to take out my gallbladder and during the time in between the day I had it out and my first attack I was able, it seemed, to lose weight without a problem. I was focused on losing weight but at the same time I knew I would exceed eventually.

I have realized what I have to do. I need to focus on my diet and motivate myself to get into more exercises. My gym membership at my school will be running out in approx. 1 month and maybe a couple of weeks, so I need to take advantage of that as much as possible. I, like millions of people that try to lose weight want the pounds to come off fast. But that only keeps you down. You need to better your life without, dare I say it, wanting to lose weight. In more lamens terms, lose the weight without actually trying to lose the weight.

This is what I must do in order not to stress myself out and to not keep falling of the wagon when trying to shed those pesky pounds. Just remember to be concerned with lifestyle and health over numbers. :)

I Would Exercise More If...

I would exercise more if I had a gym membership that I could afford and be really close to me. I, in a way, have a gym membership to my school's recreational/fitness center. But I don't want to go there or even stay after classes to go. It seems anything school related I don't want to have anything to do with. When, and I do mean when, I go to my classes, I only stay for the classes and then rush home to do nothing or to finish getting ready for work. I try to do some kind of exercise at home but I don't stick to it. I prefer a treadmill because it gives me more encouragement, freedom, and motivation to keep going and push myself even further. I think what I will do is get a months membership to 24 Hour Fitness, which is really close to me, that way I can work out anytime I want and not have to plan a exercise slot before the place closes, which 24 hour fitness doesn't.

Getting Near The End

My ex and I have been split up for 8 months. I don't think I have ever loved him but since he was my first boyfriend and I am still single I find myself trying to get attention from him. He his soon to be married and I don't think I can continue to talk to him the way I used to. Not to mention possibly not ever talking to him again. He had to un-friend me on facebook because his fiance didn't like my comments on his page. I after seeing that we are no longer friends, I was thinking that he was trying to cut off all connections to me since he will be moving on in life. But, and I hate to say this, I sent him an email since his phone is currently off saying that if you didn't want to have anything to do with me just straight out tell me. He replied back to verify that this is what he had to do in order to show to his fiance that he is truthful. I was relieved to know that he still wanted to talk to me, but I can't see myself to continue to talk to him after he is married. I guess it can be done but not very often.

What's Been Going On

Since my last post not much has been going on. I have been visiting a friend that I meet on the internet(Justin.tv) and I have been messing with my Mac. As well as failing on losing weight. Since my Mac came with Tiger I wanted to upgrade it. It's a PowerBook as well so I couldn't do the new os system, Snow Leopard. I sure has hell am not paying for a leopard disk especially since it costs more than snow leopard. I have been trying to dl the os and then burn it. But so far it has been unsuccessful. My optical drive can't burn to DVD+R DL discs so I have to find DVD-R DL discs that is more than 4.7gb, hopefully that will work and I can finally install leopard. If not Tiger it is and I want be able to use my Mac much just for school work. Now on my weight...oh jeez...I don't think I will be able to successfully lose weight until this summer. I thinking if I can't dedicate much devotion to school this semester then I can't dedicate myself to sticking to losing weight. I tried using methods that I had to use before I had my gallbladder out but like i said I just can't stick to it. If I can get down to 150lb then I am most likely to continue successfully. I think I really have to have a well though plan.

Anxious About Mac Powerbook and Weird Dream

I am soooo anxious about my mac laptop. It has barely shipped and I find myself constantly checking my tracking number to see if there has been any updates on it in the system. The more I watch youtube videos on how to use a mac I get more and more anxious to try it out. This is why I don't like ordering stuff off the internet that I really really want. I am like a kid. If i'm home when it is delivered, I crack it open right away. I am more anxious then usually not only because I will get to experience a mac but the fact that I had tried getting another computer before and I had to send it back because it was not working right. I'm hoping it gets here by Wednesday so I have all day Thursday to update and mess with it.

I had a dream last night and it was weird. I was on a bus coming back from a field trip and my cousin was on the bus as well. The bus stopped at a light and my cousin stood up and asked to get off the bus because he saw someone that he didn't like. So I saw that my cousin was about to get into and got off the bus as well to help him out. I ended up getting stabbed and took the knife from the guy that stabbed me and stabbed him as well. Everyone lived and I was back at home. I kept getting gifts from these women that covered up there faces. But I also suspected that the peeps of the guy that I stabbed were trying to get payback so they found out where I lived and was plotting on trying to kill me. Then I woke up.... Like I said that shit was weird.